(based on principles of Child-Led Play Therapy from renowned Garry Landreth – see his website, http://cpt.unt.edu/about-us/meet-our-founder/)
Spending quality time once a week with your child/adolescent can help build your relationship, increase your child’s self-esteem, and reduce problem behaviours.
How Can You Do It?
Pick a time once a week to spend with your child, one-on-one, without distractions. Aim for 20 to 30 minutes.
Get excuses out of the way! It is easy to say we are too busy, too tired… If you really want to give this a go you need to pick a set time (e.g., Sundays at 4:00 PM) and stick with it. Of course, pick a time of day that works for you and your child and set yourself up for success (e.g., don’t pick a time of day when your child tends to be cranky, hungry, etc.). Your commitment shows your child that you care.
Let your child decide what you do during the quality time (though have some options available). Don’t offer TV or video games as they make it harder to interact. Instead offer some ideas: Arts and crafts, board game, pretend play, soccer/some physical exercise, baking, Lego/building/construction…
Remember that these 30 minutes are not teaching time. As a parent, we are usually teaching, correcting, explaining, directing. However, these 30 minutes are for your child to take the lead, to build their self-esteem and to build your relationship. If they decide to spell something wrong, to change the rules of a game, to call a dog a bear, it doesn’t matter. You accept and go with their interpretation.
Your job is to:
Be present mentally and physically. Get on your child’s level (if they are sitting on the floor, sit with them too). Turn your phone off. Face your body towards them. Show interest. Be engaged. Be attentive. Be curious.
Paraphrase and reflect– very simply you just need to acknowledge what they are thinking, feeling, and/or doing. E.g., if they are pushing a toy car around, say, “That toy is going really fast.” If the toy slows, say, “Now it is stopping.” You don’t want to overdo it, but you want to show that you are interested. You can ask questions, but use them minimally and mindfully. Reflections and paraphrasing are better because the child has less explaining to do
Don’t label. As mentioned, you don’t want to label things, until your child has labelled them. So don’t call the toy “a car” unless they have already called the toy “a car.” If they don’t give the toy a name or label, just call the toy, “the toy” or “it.” Avoiding labels lets the creative juices flow.
Follow their lead. Don’t give yourself a character or job unless your child directs you to do so. Don’t touch anything unless your child tells you to. I know this is a funny way of doing things, but this kind of play is intentionally different for the reasons mentioned above (building self-esteem, enhancing the parent-child bond).
Only set limits when needed. Don’t set limits unless they are really warranted (e.g., harm to self or others, breaking something). Children need freedom to explore. For example, if they are breaking a toy, set a limit. But if they are making a mess, jumping on a couch, perhaps let it go.
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